So far this has been a much-needed weekend…and it’s only Saturday. Let me backtrack a little bit to give you the full illustration on how I got to participate in such an awesome event. About a week ago, I received a telephone call from an Administrator at my college. She presented an opportunity for me to speak in her place since she had already booked an engagement for the same date. I reluctantly agreed. I didn’t feel that I could fill such big shoes. When I finally calmed down, I realized God was working in all of this and I remembered that if this is His doing, I will be just fine.
I prepared a short message that would encourage all in attendance. I was asked to address Single Parents. I know a little bit about that. Seeing as though I have been one for the better part of fifteen years now. I wanted to let the crowd know that God has His eye on them even when they feel marginalized, oppressed, or helpless. I used the story of Hagar in the Genesis account to show how God did marvelous things on her behalf. How He told her to go back to the place where she had been enslaved. Not because He enjoyed her pain, but because he knew His plan for her life would be fulfilled through her story.
I was fine with what I had so far but as I was sitting there I heard the Holy Spirit say that I needed to insert my personal testimony into the speech. I tried to get out of it because I did not want this to be about me. I wanted God to get all the Glory. Then suddenly, God said, “I will get the glory”, plus I couldn’t focus on the other speakers until I submitted anyway. So, I inserted it.
The response was incredible. When I finished, I got so much brotherly and sisterly love. So much encouragement. Folks wanting me to speak at their next this, or next that. I honestly needed this boost in my personal life because I felt myself starting to feel down about myself.
I am in a place of transition and it is not comfortable. Two years ago, the Holy Spirit told me to leave the place of worship that I was at. I didn’t listen for my own personal reasons but after numerous amounts of spiritual whippings, I finally listened. Not knowing what I was to do next, it became a test of trusting completely in God. After resting for a month, He gave me direction in which way to go and the church I ended up was exactly what he has been trying to instill in me this whole time. To top it off, my brother who I hadn’t really communicated with in years past, was a member at the church!!! He and his family were very welcoming.
I love where I am and knowing how God works, I will like it even more later. What has been the hardest for me is coming from a place where I was Sunday School teacher, Young adult director, and many other hats and coming into a place where I am nothing feels very awkward.
I had no idea that I had become so attached to the titles that I took on for those many years or that my identity depended on those titles. The Holy Spirit said this was a season of rest for me. That He wanted me to just be a daughter. I understand why and everything but it is not easy. These people at this new church don’t know me. They don’t know that I am gifted and I want to spell it out for them but I know it is not the right time. I feel like a child that can barely sit from the excitement of Disneyland being right across the street and they can’t go.
I am learning to wait on the Lord. Learning to be patient with Him because Lord knows He has been patient with me more than he has to be. I am learning to trust Him and to find new freedoms in knowing who He is and at the same time learning who I am. That part hurts.
Until next time….