For two years, God had been telling me to “go”. I knew what that meant. However, I would second guess it. One day I shared this command with my daughter and she didn’t take it so well. She actually broke down in tears. So guess what I did? I stayed. I thought it was best for her to be where her social network was and I didn’t want to interrupt her focus on school. She had been stable for quite some time and I refused to let my transition confuse things for her. So we stayed.
One evening, I was scheduled to teach a bible lesson but no one showed up. There had been some dialog amongst the teens in the back that I was unaware of. As we were leaving, my daughter said, ” Mom, if you still want to go, I’m ready now.” And that was the last time we attended there.
The feeling I got was such a peaceful calm. If I would have known, I woukd have left earlier. I asked God what we were supposed to do next. He told me to rest for awhile. Upon resting, I regained a sense of self. No longer did I have all this responsibility of teaching Sunday school, directing the young adult ministry or leading alter call. I was entering a season of rest and a place where I was going to be spiritually fed. But where was this place? I wanted more. A place where my gift would be acknowledged, a place of free worship, a place without so much structure.
During the following month I was being led to a church. However, I knew nothing about it. We decided to visit on the first weekend of the month with a plan to give it two weeks then we would proceed with our church tour. Upon walking in we were greeted and given a small tour of the church. As we were being seated, a young man walks up and starts to hug me. I gesture to huge him back and as I looked into his familiar face I realize that I was about to hug my estranged brother that I hadn’t spoke to in years. He is a Minister there along with his wife and three children. He held me so lovingly that all I could do was cry. I pretty much cried the whole time I was there.
The worship experience was amazing. People were dancing, shouting, some were speaking in tongues or giving prophetic Words to each other. Exactly what I was looking for.
During worship, I heard God say, “Take off your shoes”. I was confused and did not listen and a few seconds later He yelled it. As I tool my shoes off I heard, “Get comfortable. Make yourself at home.”
There goes my church tour plan. Lol. But reuniting with my brother and finding a place that fits me is so much better than my plan. Thank you Lord!
On the way home my daughter said that she was so thankful for the night she decided to finally leave. Because if not for that, we wouldn’t had been able to see what God had for us on the other side.
I’m trusting and believing things will get better.